It has been awhile since I last posted (like 2 1/2 months)! The other day though I was inspired.
The day started off not so great. Our 4 year old daughter was having some major attitude with me and I'm sure I was part of the problem too but none the less, major attitude. I yelled a lot, too much, where I should have sat down and tried to talk to her and find out what the real problem was (Captain Hindsight where were you?). So by the time bed time rolled around I was happy and thankful that the fighting would stop (at least while they were sleeping). I had read a couple stories to the girls and put them to bed together rather than their separate beds (this is so much fun for them and I think it helps them feel more comfortable too). After the stories we sang a couple songs together and then I asked them to close their eyes while I held their hands and I sung/hummed a lullaby to them.
The youngest fell asleep rather quickly but the 4 year old just laid there and stared at me. The moment seemed to stop time. We just laid there staring at each other with my humming in the background. I don't know how to fully describe it. It was one of the most peaceful and beautiful moments because what happen next was as she stared at me you placed one hand on my cheek and the other on the top of my head and closed her eyes. I gently laid done on her lap and began to softly cry and hum at the same time. I felt guilty and ashamed for the way I was with her that day and in that moment it didn't seem to matter to her. She was holding me like I would imagine God would. She had such grace and was so serene that I felt like I could barely breath. She is my daughter yet I was the one learning the lesson in that moment. I know God comes to us in the moments that matter and in that moment I felt like a child asking forgiveness for my actions from him and from my daughter. I looked up at her to tell her I loved her and was so sorry for the way the day had gone and she was asleep. The most beautiful little girl was asleep with a look of absolute peace upon her face. I sat there and stared at our daughter and realized what is important is that she is happy and safe and loved in all of the moments in her life. What else matters than that?
On another evening I was laying with our youngest daughter (who just turned 2 I can hardly believe it) at bedtime. We had read our stories and were softly signing songs together. I again asked her to close her eyes and lay quietly while I sung a lullaby to her. She did for a moment and then opened her eyes and gently placed her hands on my cheeks and said, "love you mom." Be still my beating heart.
I told her, "I love you too, always and forever."
She then smiled and placed her one arm around my neck and said, "my best friend mom." What do you say to that?
"Can I be your best friend always and forever?"
"ok mom."
"promise?"
"yup."
"thank you sweetie. goodnight."
"goodnight."
My girls. They are a part of my heart, my soul, my everything. Thank you God for blessing me with them and giving me the job of raising these beautiful children. Thank you for these sweet moments and all of the other moments.
I am truly blessed.
